What Are the Main Difference Between American Families and Chinese Families?
When I was a teenager, I wondered why my American friends would brag about disobeying their parents—at home or in public. I sometimes disagreed with my parents, but I would never disagree with them face-to-face, much less in public.
During my graduate studies nearly culture, I learned that the American family fosters what is called an Individual Identity . When children are growing up, they are constantly asked for their opinion; for example, "What practise you desire to do?" "What do you desire to consume?" "What do you desire to wear?" "Where practise you want to go?" Parents enquire their children for their personal preferences from a young age—fifty-fifty as young as two years onetime. It is not uncommon to hear a young child disagreeing with a parent because he or she has been taught to have his or her own opinion.
Chinese (and other Asian) families, on the other mitt, foster a Family unit Identity. Within the Asian family everyone has specific roles, but the main goal is to care for and ensure the survival of the family, both materially and spiritually.
Care for others in the family comes from ane of the basic virtues in Confucianism, filial piety 孝 (hsiao)—taking intendance of your parents as they took intendance of you. The concept of filial piety forms the basis for all other relationships—ruler to subject, parent to child, husband to married woman, older to younger, and friend to friend. These are the five hierarchical Confucian relationships in which the older ones are responsible for the intendance of the younger ones. In plow the younger ones are to submit and obey those who are older. If this virtue is learned well in the childhood home, the expectation is that a person volition evidence the aforementioned respect to others in guild equally a whole.
As a upshot of this Confucian grooming, Asian children are taught a sense of indebtedness to their family for what the family provides for the children when they are born, during their upbringing, and adult life. Asian children are expected to reciprocate this care especially when their parents get older.
While they are growing upward Asian children are expected to practise what they are told. They are non asked their private opinions (e.g., what they want to eat or practice, or what clothes they want to wear); these decisions are made for them by their parents, older siblings, or others who are responsible for their care. Out of respect for older people, the younger ones show their gratitude by doing what they are asked.
The difference between the individual identity and the family identity was one major area of frustration that I and my American colleagues experienced working in Asia. We often complained near how things were washed or non washed based on our personal opinions. Nosotros expected to have a say about whether or not we wanted to exercise something. Nosotros reacted strongly when we were told we had to practise something but weren't asked what nosotros idea.
At the time when I grew upward, I knew that I could not disagree openly with my Asian parents or with other authority figures. I would say "yep" out loud merely feel the "no "inside. I would suppress these negative feelings and, on elevation of that, my American friends made me feel guilty because I was telling a lie (saying "yep" outwardly but feeling "no" inwardly). I didn't understand that by disagreeing with my parents and older people that I was not showing them respect and returning the care they had given me. I also didn't understand that the stress I experienced living in Asia came from the conflicting American values of wanting to express my own individual stance vs showing respect to the family and heritage I was built-in with.
Can yous think of a time when you lot were upset because you were told what to do and not asked for your stance? Does understanding cultural differences enable you to change how you reply to people who tell you what to practice? How can your understanding of the Chinese family unit structure change your American cultural value of an private identity in club to promote the gospel message?
More information can be found in Tapestry of Grace: Untangling the Cultural Complexities of Asian American Life and Ministry, Ben Shin and Sheryl Takagi Sizer, 2016, chapter 9, pages 138–143 and Biblical Multicultural Teams: Applying Biblical Truth to Cultural Differences, chapter 3, pages 43–62.
Image credit: Arek Socha from Pixabay.
Sheryl Takagi Silzer
Sheryl Takagi Silzer is a third generation Japanese American. She worked with Wycliffe Bible Translators in Colombia, Papua New Republic of guinea, and Indonesia as a Bible translator. For the past twenty-five years she has worked as a multicultural consultant leading Cultural Self-Discovery workshops for sending agencies, schools, and churches around the …View Full Bio
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Source: https://www.chinasource.org/resource-library/blog-entries/chinese-vs-american-family/
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